Acupuncture

A few months ago my Mom had talked to me about trying out acupuncture for infertility. She had talked to one of her friends whose daughter also struggled with getting pregnant and she went to an acupuncturist and the next month she was pregnant. At that time I didn't really feel like it was something I was interested in. 

Last month I started thinking about that conversation and I felt strong that it was something I needed to give a try. I know that it may not work for me, but I want to be able to say that we have tried everything we possibly could. I decided to go to the same doctor my Mom's friend's daughter went to. His name is Dr. Hendricks and his office is in Farmington.

Dr. Hendricks is a chiropractor and at one point he started to have horrible pain and problems in his shoulder from playing racquetball. He decided to go see an acupuncturist in Salt Lake and it completely took his shoulder pain away. After this experience he went to school for acupuncture. He is a really nice guy and I am happy that I chose to go to him.

I was really nervous because I don't like needles but it really isn't all that bad. The first day I went he put in a total of 20 needles. 1 below my belly button, 2 in my lower back, 2 in each hand, 2 in each foot and the rest in my legs. When he puts them in I should feel a little electric zing. The first couple of times I went I really wasn't sure if I was feeling what I was supposed to, but by the third time it was pretty strong and he said that is because I am achieving chi. 

The second time I went I had talked to him about my anxiety issues and if there were any points he could do for that. Unfortunately those points are all in my feet and toes. He puts one in the bottom of each foot and that is the worst one. Once it is in it's pain free, but the initial prick on the feet kind of hurts. It feels like a hard pinch. Once the needles are in I rest for 15 minutes and then he removes them. After he added the anxiety points I think I have almost 30 needles total. I look like a pin cushion! 

I found a really helpful video on youtube by Irina Szmelskyj with The Fertility Foundation explaining "How Acupuncture Improves Natural Fertility" and I will share with you what it explains...

-1 in 4 couples seek acupuncture to help them conceive
-Acupuncture helps to regulate hormones which helps with more regular menstrual cycles, more regular ovulation, better follicular development, and better uterine lining
-Acupuncture improves blood supply to the ovaries, and this improves quality of eggs
-Acupuncture improves sperm quality and quantity (Jordan is not receiving acupuncture at this time but I may ask him to go in the future if necessary) 
-Acupuncture helps with embryo implantation
-Acupuncture reduces stress (stress can cause infertility issues)

Dr. Hendricks always says that even if it doesn't work this month it isn't doing any harm by trying, so why not? Ever since he started doing the anxiety points I really do feel less anxious and I am hoping it will continue to help in that area as well as the infertility. Dr. Hendricks recommends doing 8 times and I have done 4 so far. 4 more to go! I am very hopeful that this will do the trick and we will get pregnant this round!

True Feelings

I have been trying to decide if I wanted to do this post due to some guiltiness on my part, but this is a place for me to document my true feelings and I hope the things I post don't offend anyone. I mentioned my fear of offending people to a friend yesterday and she said that this is where I can post my true & raw feelings and if someone chooses to be offended by it then they don't have to read my posts. So there!

For someone struggling with infertility when we hear someone's exciting news of a pregnancy there can be many mixed emotions. I have talked about this before, but just recently we found out of a family members good news and all of these feelings are pretty fresh right now so I wanted to document it. I asked this person if she would be ok with me talking about this on my blog and she was so sweet to say she didn't mind at all.

A couple of Saturdays ago we were at my inlaws house visiting. I was talking to my mother-in-law about going on a possible girls trip sometime this year. She was telling me about a cruise she had seen. My father-in-law who was in the room during this conversation nonchalantly mentioned that one of my sister-in-laws probably wouldn't be able to go since she was pregnant. Immediately a large lump filled in the back of my throat. We hadn't heard of this news yet and my mother-in-law gave him a look letting him know he wasn't supposed to spill the beans to us. 

I just mentioned I was surprised to hear this news but happy for them. It may have not been the best way to find out, but I was actually kind of grateful that he told us and not Jordan's brother and wife because I maybe wouldn't have been able to give them the most appropriate reaction in that moment. 

When Jordan and I got in the car the water works began. I was able to keep my emotions together until we were alone. I felt so much confusion in that moment. As I talked to Jordan about it I vented anger, jealousy, sadness, guilt, joy and happiness all at the same time.

We had planned to go to dinner with some of my family that night and while we were at dinner Jordan's brother called him. He had found out that we knew of their news. Jordan congratulated him, but I didn't talk to them at that time.  On our way home from dinner I went to text my sister-in-law and she had beat me to it. Her sweet text said, "We love you Shawnee. I hope you are doing ok after the news, even though I know better. We put your names on the Temple roll tonight." Immediately I felt a blanket of peace overcome me. 

Later that night I was able to talk to her on the phone. She said how bad she felt that we found out the way we did and they were trying to figure out a sweet way to tell us. Like I said before though, I think it was probably a good thing we found out originally from someone else. I really didn't want to cry to her and I wanted to be able to just be so excited for her, but of course I cried. The feelings were still so fresh. Luckily she is so amazing and told me to cry and to not feel one ounce of guilt for doing so. 

I honestly HATE feeling this way and feel sooooo guilty for it. I usually just need a day or two to digest it and to let myself feel sad and jealous and then I get over it. One of the first thoughts I had was that now our little guy would be the only cousin in our whole family to be an only child. For some reason I felt ok because they also only had one little boy, but now he will be getting a little brother or sister. I want that for C so bad! 

After we were blessed with C I really thought that if we weren't able to have anymore kids I would be ok because we have him. Well I am here to tell you it is just as hard. We get questions all the time of when we are going to have another baby, or why we haven't yet. People tell me we just need to practice more...Ha! 

For me, these questions don't bother me too much, but I know for some people it is very hard. I think this is one reason why I am so open about what we are going through because then it prevents questions like those. If someone who may not know our situation asks a question like that, I have no problem letting them know that we are trying, but it's a struggle for us. I don't tell people to feel bad, I tell them so they know what to say and what not to say. I try really hard myself to not ask those questions to people, but sometimes I slip because they are natural questions to ask. 

I think it is important to keep in mind that every person you come in contact with is struggling with something in their life that you may not understand or know about and to just be sensitive to that. 

All of this happened on Saturday and I was so excited to go to church the next day. It is a place where I find peace and comfort and that's exactly what I needed! I looked through the hymn book and went to one of my favorite songs, Be Still My Soul. When my sweet niece passed away my sister had told me how the words of that song brought comfort to her. Ever since then I find such comfort in the words of that song.

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

I know that the Lord is on my side and He has a plan for our little family. I will suffer grief and pain through this trial but if I put my faith and trust in Him it will lead us to a joyful end!

Elephants & Fertility

A couple of weeks ago my friend/neighbor/visiting teacher came by for a visit. She brought two of her little ones and Carter was having an issue sharing (this happens quite often) and I was telling her that I think it is hard for him to share because he has only child syndrome. When we are home he never has to share his toys with anyone so when a friend comes over he has a hard time sharing. I had mentioned that he needs to have a little brother or sister to help him get over this stage. She then asked if we were trying and I opened up about our situation.

I had talked to her about our recent failed IUI attempt and that we were going to be starting another round of IUI. I had no idea but she told me that she did IUI and that is how she got her twins! It was so nice to talk to someone who has been through what we are going through. We talked about all the emotions that come along with it as well as how our hubby's react to everything. I really felt a lot better after she left. 

I was so grateful for the time that this friend gave to me and then a few days later she text me to see if I was at home. She came by and brought me this elephant...

She told me that when they were struggling with their infertility her hubby had read that Elephants were a sign of fertility and so she wanted to get one for us. That meant so much to me! 

I decided to get on my computer and look up the elephant and fertility. This is what I found on a couple of different sites...

Another way to pump up your fertility is by getting an elephant. No, not a real one! A representation of an elephant. Elephants have been considered a fertility symbol for thousands of years. Place a lovely elephant figurine in your bedroom. Rub your elephant to bring more children into your family. 

Elephants
In India, elephants’ long trunks are associated with rain, which brings fertility to the fields. Many wedding ceremonies utilize terra-cotta elephants as a symbol of fertility. In China, elephants are considered a symbol of pregnancy. A pair of elephants are often kept on each side of the bed facing the center of the room. 

2. Enhance fertility with Elephant symbolism
An elephant — with its trunk down, please! — is a strong symbol for fertility in Feng Shui.

Place your elephant in a prominent spot either in your bedroom, your Children sector, or in the Fire element (Fame & Reputation) sector of your home to nourish the energy of physical connection and intimacy.

The elephant’s trunk is pointed downwards for fertility in order to help you move through obstacles, and also because a downward-pointing trunk is thought to distribute good luck (whereas an upward-pointing trunk stores up the luck for future use). 

Thank you so much to this sweet friend! The love and support that we have received from everyone has been so incredible...It really is what makes this trial a little easier. We love you all!