Jumbled Thoughts

Lately I have had so many thoughts and emotions that I am not sure how to write them all down. I can tell you right now that the next few posts probably won't flow smooth and may not make sense but now you know how my brain feels. 

Let's start with last Tuesday, the 19th...If I hadn't started my period by this day Dr. Heiner wanted me to take a pregnancy test and if the result was negative then start taking progesterone to help me start. Now, taking a pregnancy test was probably the last thing I wanted to do! Each time I take a test I have the same feelings...I am always a little shaky and have feelings of hope as well as feelings of not getting my hopes up. The wait for it to show one or two lines is excruciating every single time, no matter how many times I have done it in the past. It was negative which didn't surprise me at this point. So...it was off to Costco to pick up the meds for this next IUI round.

I was able to get the progesterone which I took one small pill once a day for seven days. I also picked up my femara which I will take two small pills once a day on days 3-7 of my cycle. 

It's actually kind of interesting because the femara is used to treat certain types of breast cancer in women after menopause. It is also used to help prevent the cancer from returning. Doctors also prescribe femara for women with PCOS or unexplained infertility. It helps to produce a mature follicle in the ovary...Bring on the healthy follicles!

This is not my first time taking femara and in the past I have never experienced side effects with it which is a major plus. When I was on clomid, it was a nightmare! I had hot flashes like crazy and I literally was not a nice person when I was taking it. Jordan even asked me if I could tell the doctor that I didn't want to take it anymore because I was so mean. It's weird how medications can affect you in different ways. I am grateful I don't have those same issues with the femara. 

Oh...guess what else I had to do on Tuesday...

Yup...that $525.15 went towards our unsuccessful IUI in October. That was no fun to pay! This was in addition to the $340 we paid for the actual IUI procedure and about $100 towards meds.

Can I just tell you how frustrating it is to see this money go out of our account and really not see anything in return!!! This is another reason why it is so difficult to hear about people who don't have any issues with conceiving. It's interesting to think about. I was talking to Jordan the other night after we had paid this bill and told him how it's weird to think that we will never know what it feels like to just one day decide we are ready for a baby and try for a couple of months and get a positive pregnancy test. No money spent except for the pregnancy test. There are a lot of you out there who will never know how we feel either. You will never fully understand the feelings we experience by paying for multiple doctor's appointment, lots of different medications (that part affects you financially, emotionally, and physically), testing to figure out what's going on, surgeries, and procedures. After all of this, a lot of times there is still no baby and you go back to the drawing board.

The hardest for me is the emotions we experience. It's so hard to explain to others and I am sure it's hard for you to understand as well. Let's hope this next round has a happy ending!

Believe...

I found an instagram account of a couple who had just found out their round of IVF was successful and in one of her posts she talked about some inspirational jewelry that she had that would remind her to keep hope and have faith through their journey. I really liked the idea of having a reminder close to you and so I decided to go online and purchase my own necklace that I will wear everyday while we go through this process. The necklace I bought says "believe". 

It came with a cute box that says, "In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can." I love that quote! I ordered the necklace online on Sunday and the tracking said it would arrive on Saturday the 9th. I was hoping it would be here today but didn't worry too much about it. We were pulling out of our driveway this afternoon to go to our first appointment and I decided to quickly grab the mail. I was so happy when I saw a small package in the mailbox. I opened it up and immediately put the necklace on. This was such a small thing, but meant so much to me!

I am excited to have this small reminder to believe in Heavenly Father and His plan, the doctors, nurses, the process, and in Jordan and myself. 

We walked into our appointment today with a notebook full of questions. I did a lot of research on "what questions to ask your doctor before you begin IVF" and I was prepared with probably 20-30 questions. I wanted to make sure that we knew what we were getting into. We were taken back to Dr. Heiner's office where he sat and asked a few routine questions about what we have tried up to this point. He looked over my charts from previous doctors (which by the way I didn't realize how many doctors we have already been to until he started going over my charts. Crazy!). I was very honest with how we have been feeling and that we wanted to look into IVF. After visiting for a while he told us that before we try IVF he would like to try IUI but he wants to add in additional FSH hormone injections. He explained that a woman with no fertility issues has a 16% chance of getting pregnant each month. He said that for me, having PCOS, I have about an 8% chance. The IUI rounds we have tried in the past took that percentage up to 11%. This plan he wants to try takes us up to a 23% chance. He feels that since we know we can get pregnant he isn't ready for us to jump right to IVF just yet. Jordan and I discussed it and once he had explained it all in detail it really makes sense for us to try this plan first. 

What will happen is I will take femara (which I took with the previous IUI) on Cycle Days 3-7, on day 7, 9, and 11 I will do an FSH injection (I have never done FSH injections up to this point) and on day 12 I will go in for an ultrasound. If the eggs look ready then I will take an ovulation trigger injection and the insemination will take place 36 hours later. There is a chance that when I go in for the ultrasound I won't be ready for the trigger shot yet and may need to do a couple more FSH injections and then go in again a few days later for the insemination. We will try this for 3 rounds and if we still are not pregnant we will discuss IVF. 

We really thought that we were ready for IVF but honestly as soon as Dr. Heiner began discussing this other option, we both felt like this was best for us right now. Especially when it comes to the finance part! We made sure to ask about all the fees that will be included with the insemination and it is cheaper than what we spent up at The U. We are looking forward to beginning this process and we were so impressed with the doctor and the nurses who helped us today. Everyone was so kind and explained everything well and answered all of our questions and concerns. I will contact our nurse once my cycle begins which should be the end of this month.

BELIEVE!

-Shawnee

Here We Go!

Welcome to our blog! After a lot of thought we have decided to journal our journey through our infertility treatments as we continue to try to conceive baby #2. 

I wanted to give you a little bit of our background...Infertility has been something we have struggled with ever since we started trying for our first baby in 2008. It took us a good 3 and 1/2 years to get pregnant with our big guy. During those 3 1/2 years we took clomid, had a laparoscopy, tried two rounds of IUI and still had no success. In the fall of 2011 we had decided to take a break on the baby road and I decided to go back to college. I started classes the second week of January and by the fourth week of January I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. We were SHOCKED! We hadn't been on any sort of fertility treatment at the time we conceived. I guess we just needed to quit thinking about it and it worked. An answer to our many prayers! My OB had mentioned that a woman is very fertile right after giving birth and so we decided to not do any kind of contraception and if we got pregnant right away we would be OK with that. Here we are 3 1/2 years later and still no pregnancy. I thought after having just one baby I would be OK if we didn't have any more, but that has not been the case. Our desire for a baby is just as strong, if not stronger now than it was before baby #1. He has brought us so much joy and happiness and we want even more of that. We also really want him to grow up with a brother or sister. Both Jordan and I have siblings and they are our best friends and we want him to have the same. 

In the past couple of years we have tried:

-More fertility meds (Femara, Metformin) 

-In March of 2015 I had a hysterosalpingogram, which is an important test of female fertility potential. The HSG test is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility.

• Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix 
• The uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity

This shows whether the fallopian tubes are open or blocked and whether a blockage is at the junction of the tube and uterus (proximal) or at the other end of the tube (distal)) This dye test came back normal and both tubes were open

-In October of 2015 we did another round of IUI which was unsuccessful. 

We were planning on doing a second round of IUI right away, but once we saw that our insurance wasn't covering much we felt like we shouldn't. We decided with the holiday season upon us we wanted to take a break once again from the baby stuff and enjoy our time with family and friends and not have the stress of trying to conceive. 

Jordan and I have always been very open with one another about our feelings and desires for this journey and we have discussed more IUI rounds, adoption, and IVF. We have prayed and attended the Temple while making these decisions. For some time we thought maybe adoption would be our next choice but for some reason I kept getting a feeling that wasn't right. I love adoption and think it is one of the greatest things in the world but for some reason I kept going back to IVF. What has always held me back from all of these procedures is the financial burden that comes with it. This last round of IUI cost us almost $2,000 which some people were shocked to hear. When we did the two rounds of IUI in 2011 it only cost us about $450 each round, but this time I chose to do monitoring through ultrasound before the procedure which is where the additional money was spent. I had 3 different ultrasounds and each cost around $360 and then add in the medication I was taking and additional office visits it all adds up quick! 

After lots of prayers and discussions together we have decided to try IVF. We didn't want to spend another $2,000 or more when we have done IUI 3 times now with no success. We want to put our money towards something that has a higher success rate. This decision was a tough one and it took time to finally say that's what we wanted to do. Once we finally said out loud this was the road we wanted to take I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders which I take as the Spirit telling me we have made the right decision. It took me a long time to even consider IVF because we were able to conceive on our own before but that doesn't mean it will happen again. We feel like we have tried all we can up to this point and IVF just makes sense. 

Infertility is such an emotional roller coaster and also a physical roller coaster. When you are taking different medications to tell your body to do something it's not, it starts to wear on you. It has been a test for our marriage as well. Like I said, we have always been very open with one another which is what has helped us stay strong. I think this has been the hardest for me emotionally. Any time I hear a pregnancy announcement I feel like a knife has been stabbed in my heart, but only for a small moment and then it disappears and I feel happiness for that joyous announcement. I think it's OK and normal to have that type of response...It only becomes an issue if you can't get past that response. It can easily turn to depression. I have been lucky enough to not get to that point but I know there are others out there who have. What has helped me is reading other's experiences. They are complete strangers but once I read their story and realize we are experiencing the same thing, it really helps me. I hope that by us sharing our journey we can help someone too. Even if you don't have issues with infertility I think it is important to know the process so you may be able to understand what those who do struggle with it are going through. It's always hard to know what to say to someone with any kind of trial if you yourself haven't experienced it. I wasn't going to tell anyone we were going to do IVF but as I continued to think about it I realized that I need the support of family and friends to get through this. We have been so blessed with an incredible support system and we are grateful for each of you! 

We are scheduled to go meet with our new doctor this Wednesday (January 6, 2016) to discuss our options. We have chosen to go to The Reproductive Care Center. They have a 100% guarantee program we will discuss with them and see if we can qualify for. We will also meet with the financial advisor that day to see what options they have as far as a loan. After all the office visits, ultrasounds, meds, and procedures we could get up to more than $20,000 in bills. We obviously don't have that kind of money hanging around and so hopefully we will be able to figure out how to make it all work. I will post after we meet with them to share what information we received and if we have chosen to move forward. I am feeling a lot of anxiety right now and I hope after meeting with our doctor that will slightly go away. I am a very anxious person and stress about everything so I know there will be a lot of stress and anxiety throughout this process, but I am hoping some of it will go away.

We live such a wonderful life and have been so blessed by our Heavenly Father and we are putting our faith and trust in Him. Today during sacrament meeting a lady bore her testimony and she mentioned that Satan knows our weaknesses and he will work at those to try to take away our happiness but we need to remember that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ also know our weaknesses and if we just get on our knees and ask for the strength and courage They will never leave our side! I am going to try to take all of this one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow but only think about today. Thank you to everyone for all of the love, prayers, and support you have and will continue to give us. We love you! HERE WE GO!!!!

-Shawnee